12 Actions for 12 Conversations: a plan for the way forward.
We are all moving forward in life whether we want to or not. Some of us would rather not grow up and we sure as heck don’t want to grow old. Peter Pan, (the boy who didn’t want to grow up) tried his hardest to remain a perpetual boy. He definitely lived in “the moment of now” and avoided any notion of plans for tomorrow.
J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan said, “To live will be an awfully big adventure.” And he also said, “To die will be an awfully big adventure.” Both things are true. But I find it interesting that if we have a plan for the adventure of living we can most definitely experience the adventure of dying as a much more pleasant type of adventure. Both of those things can also be true.
I even gave a TEDx talk about that very thing!
Our anxiety levels tend to accelerate when we feel out of control. Interestingly, our bodies don’t know the difference between how anxiety and excitement feel physically. The difference is only discernable by what our brains tells us is true. Many public speakers profess telling themselves they are excited about delivering a talk so as to dispel the notion of the fear of failing in front of an audience. Rather, they claim the physically sweaty palms and butterfly churning stomach as signs of excitement rather than dreaded anxiety.
How do anxiety, control, excitement, and adventure all relate? When we go on a journey of any sort, we usually know our way or we seek guidance, aka our GPS. If we don’t know the way, we seek comfort from the voice of the GPS (we call her Lula Bell). Lula Bell tells us each turn to make and lets us know how far till the next maneuver. We feel in control and our anxiety tends to be minimal.
However, if we jump in our car and simply start driving without a map or plan we can become lost and our anxiety level increases. Our brains quickly let us know that we’re lost and the “what ifs” begin. What if we run out of gas? What if the car breaks down way out here? What if we’re late getting to our appointment?
On the other hand, an adventure allows for some changes along the way and there are other people with us on our journey. Adventures are most definitely mapped out with stops along the way to the final destination. Adventures provide a sense of some control and direction while allowing for a variety of input from your fellow travelers and any number of unknowns between selected stopping points. Companions might offer intriguing observations or they could direct your attention to an obvious pothole up ahead.
We can never be certain of what we’ll see or experience on the adventure journey but we feel excited rather than anxious because we have laid out our plans ahead of time and communicated our intentions to our fellow travelers. That’s what Closer to Closure: 12 Actions for 12 Conversations: a plan for the way forward is all about. C2C is meant to chart your adventure with input from your traveling companions.
One of the things I’ve learned about this journey is that there is a huge number of people that are closed off to the excitement of an adventure. Sometimes we try so hard to control every aspect of our lives we shut out the very love and input that would make our journey much more enjoyable.
Consider having a conversation with your loved ones about one serious topic about living and dying, just one! There are so many places the conversation might go but it could definitely go somewhere you might not expect. If you’re afraid of what might happen, the C2C checklist is a tool to help you consider topics that would get the conversation started. Pick one!
The adventure of living (and loving) will enhance the adventure of dying. Both are adventures but the plans, and conversations about the plans, shared with others should be a source of excitement rather than anxiety.
You can purchase the PDF here.
“You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, So… get on your way!” ~Dr. Seuss
~Dr. Judy H. Butler, PsyD
